![]() This tactic often works with people who have no boundaries, and it reinforces the controlling person’s immaturity. Many people are stuck in the stage of development where they think they can control others by getting angry or sad. If we feel responsible for other people’s displeasure, we are being controlled by others. We can’t determine how successfully we are living our lives by who is unhappy with us. If we are always trying to keep everyone happy, then we cannot make the choices required to live correctly and freely. ![]() If we feel responsible for other people’s feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right we will make decisions based on how others feel about our choices. This puts Sandy’s mother’s anger in control of Sandy’s life. She felt like she had to change her mother’s anger to happiness by changing her own behavior. ![]() Sandy was confused about her boundaries because she felt responsible for her mother’s feelings. ![]() It does mean the person who is feeling sad must take responsibility for that feeling. This does not mean that they do not need someone else to be with them in their sadness and to empathize with them. If other people feel sad, it is their sadness. Our feelings are our responsibility others’ feelings are their responsibility. Our feelings, whether good or bad, are our property. ![]()
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